Love is an Inner Game

In the spirit of Valentine’s day, this is a guest post by my friend, Certified Master Weight Loss Coach Anja Christy.

I’m guessing that if you’re reading this, you’re interested in health, wellness, and perhaps weight loss.  So, you may well be asking “What’s love got to do with it?”

Actually, everything.  Let me explain.

The dictionary definitions of love all talk about warmth, affection, adoration, passion, tenderness—but all directed at another— another person, child, animal or object.

I propose that when you love yourself, it will profoundly impact your ability to feel, attract, and cultivate love in your life.  But many of us never learned how.

Loving yourself– and putting your own needs first, at least some of the time— is very healthy!  Taking time to create, to rest, to enjoy, to laugh…. even taking a moment to just breathe– affects your overall health and wellness. When you take care of yourself and nurture yourself, you are better able to take care of the needs of your family, your career, your life.

This goes hand-in-hand with the concept of ‘healthy-selfishness’.   Think about the flight attendant’s safety instructions about air masks that drop from above you in an airplane in an emergency.  You’re always told that if you are flying with a small child,  secure YOUR mask first before you help the child with their mask.  The theory is that if you’re not breathing, you’re not gonna be much help to your kid!

And so it is with self-love.

You’ve probably heard of healthy selfishness and self-love.  You know how to nurture yourself and take care of yourself.  But there’s a missing component in the equation and that is actually having the feeling that goes with loving yourself.  That’s what’s most important.

So now you might ask..… “how the heck do I really feel it? I know how to take a hot bubble bath or go for a quiet walk alone… but how do I actually feel love for myself?

I’m going to tell you.

The following is a quick easy process using some guided-imagery and techniques from something called NLP (neuro-lingusitic programming).

First, read through the steps and then close your eyes and take yourself through the process.

  1. Find a quiet space to relax. Close your eyes. Take several deep breaths to relax your body and your mind.
  2. Think of someone that you truly love.  It could be a pet, a sweetheart, a child, a mentor, The kind of love I am referring to is that profound warmth, affection, adoration, passion, tenderness. Take a couple of moments just allow and be with that feeling. Now, magnify that feeling.  It is bigger and stronger, bubbly, over-the-top. It’s the awesome feeling that makes you want to jump up and down. If it was any stronger- you would burst.  A smile comes to your face.  You might even laugh-out-loud.
  3. Now, turn that feeling and imagine or pretend that you are turning it into something that you can hold in the palm of your hand.  The feeling is still very strong.  It is now concentrated.
  4. When you are ready take all the love, warmth, affection, adoration, passion, tenderness, bursting at the seams, laugh-out-loud love that you are holding in the palm of your hand and place it over your heart.  As you do, you turn all that love and all of those good feelings to YOU! This feeling is the feeling of loving yourself.   Imagine that this feeling is all around your heart and expands until it is all around you.  You could even pretend that it is a bubble of light all around your or color and light swirling all around you.
  5. Take several breaths and breath it all in.

If you would like a longer guided-imagery process- I have a complimentary audio MP3 for you to download.

This process allows you to get in touch with the feeling of loving yourself.  When you love and value yourself it becomes much easier to take the time for rest, rejuvenation, and exercise. It becomes much more natural to eat healthy foods, to drink plenty of water. It’s easier—and more natural– to choose friends and activities that inspire you.  And all these things allow you to have more energy. You just feel better.  You are happier!

And here’s the amazing thing:  when you love yourself, the world tends to “come around”. External circumstances seem not as daunting. Problems you’ve been putting up with seem to just resolve, or at least not be as overwhelming.

The universe will somehow magically seem to support the view you’ve come to embrace—that you’re a loved person deserving of good things.

When you truly “get” this, you’ll find it’s a more empowering concept than you can imagine.

As you work on your inner game- the outside, external world will shift– and reflect that back to you!

Love is an inner game.

Are you ready to play?

Anja Christy is one of the most gifted weight loss facilitators I’ve ever worked with. She can help you create your Dream Body Vision and work with you to make that vision a reality. She is a life coach extraordinaire and guided-imagery facilitator.  I recommend her wholeheartedly to anyone who wants to experience the power of one-on-one weight loss coaching.  Visit her at

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  • Dean

    This is something that I am woefully deficient at. I am not a ‘self love’ kind of person and I believe that it has really held me back. I just don’t believe in myself despite all the gifts everyone tells me that I have – I mean, I see them, but I seem to be incapable of internalizing them. It’s not logical, but it constantly trips me up and sets me back in my life process. I’m constantly having people dismiss my self perception concerns which only frustrates me, because it only reinforces my beliefs that no one listens, and no one cares.

    • Dean,
      In my upbringing it was “selfish” to love yourself. It took a while to realize I had it all wrong. Now I can’t see how I could have bought into the concept that appreciating every bit of what I was given from my Creator when I was given life, is not only natural, but the very point of being alive. I am a human being! And I am alive. Here on this planet! With so many unexplored treasures within that came with me – peace, love, contentment, appreciation, a heart, and the possibility to fulfill the core thirst of that heart. Then giving in gratitude for what I’ve received is a joy and love IS FELT – not because you imagined it but because it is real and then the gratitude is real and not imagined and at that point you don’t even think of asking why am I here because you KNOW.

      Hope this helps bring you back to what you already know.

      Tim Gallwey
      Author of The Inner Game of Tennis and other Inner Game books.

    • Bella

      I understand and connect to your despair with my whole heart. I am exactly the same way. I have so many talents and no self-esteem of any kind. It seems like whatever I start doing, creating, initializing etc. there is always something happening which does not let me to go further, to move forward with my ideas, and never leads to completion. It seems like it’s a never ending cycle. I can’t find the way out. If you found the way to coop with it, please, let me know. Thank you for sharing your experience. At least, now, I know that I am not “out of this world”, not alone, suffering from this unexplained problem. It made me very depressed and emotionally exhausted.
      All the best, Bella.

  • Newport Carl

    Hi Jonny…Kudos on you appearance in the ‘Future of Nutrition’ conference. You were relaxed, on point, and extremely informative.

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