Toxic Marriage is bad for the Heart
Women who swallow their anger during fights with their husbands are statistically more likely to die of heart disease than women who say what's on their minds. University of Utah scientists studied 150 married couples, videotaping them while they discussed "sensitive" topics from money management to who's going to do the dishes. Their conversational styles were telling. Wives whose men dominated the conversation, making cutting nasty remarks while the wives sat in silence, were far more likely to show high levels of coronary calcification, a signal that heart disease is in the making.
Interestingly, if the conversations turned into an open battle for control (as opposed to a more cooperative discussion about how things could be made better), the men showed more evidence of heart disease. The men did not, however, show any negative effects from the "self-silencing" strategy that was so harmful to the women.
Meanwhile, in a completely different paper published in the Archives of Internal Medicine, researchers studying over 9,000 British civil servants found that those with the worst close relationships were 34% more likely than those with good relationships to have heart attacks or other heart trouble during 12 years of follow-up.
So what does this tell us? Several things. One, strategies (sitting silently during an argument) may be far more stressful for some people (or for one of the sexes) than for others. Two, relationships can make you sick (or keep you well—other studies show that married folks live longer than single ones). Three, there's no divide between body and mind. What happens in your head affects your physiology, and what happens in your physiology affects what happens in your head. It's an open loop, and the "division" between mind and body is completely fictional.
In workshops, I'm fond of telling the story about a famous study done in a nursing home. In this study, half the participants were given a plant to take care of and the other half weren't. The ones who were given the plant to take care of had better health outcomes, less illness, better blood tests. That fits nicely with the idea that staying connected—even to an inanimate object—and putting some attention on something outside yourself has health benefits.
Relationships matter. It may seem obvious but science is sometimes about demonstrating things we already know intuitively. Recently a study by Shira Feldman at the University of Minnesota School of Public Health showed that kids who regularly sit down to a family meal are at lower risk for smoking, drug and alcohol use. According to Tara Parker Pope in the NY Times, children from "highly connected" families have been shown to eat healthier foods, get better grades and have lower risk for destructive behaviors.
A health program that concentrates only on the vitamins in your diet, the number of miles you walk, or (God forbid) the amount of fat you eat is missing one of the biggest contributors to overall health in the world: your connectedness to others.
Connectedness counts. It matters to the people around you—and it definitely matters to you.
Your health depends on it.
Interestingly, if the conversations turned into an open battle for control (as opposed to a more cooperative discussion about how things could be made better), the men showed more evidence of heart disease. The men did not, however, show any negative effects from the "self-silencing" strategy that was so harmful to the women.
Meanwhile, in a completely different paper published in the Archives of Internal Medicine, researchers studying over 9,000 British civil servants found that those with the worst close relationships were 34% more likely than those with good relationships to have heart attacks or other heart trouble during 12 years of follow-up.
So what does this tell us? Several things. One, strategies (sitting silently during an argument) may be far more stressful for some people (or for one of the sexes) than for others. Two, relationships can make you sick (or keep you well—other studies show that married folks live longer than single ones). Three, there's no divide between body and mind. What happens in your head affects your physiology, and what happens in your physiology affects what happens in your head. It's an open loop, and the "division" between mind and body is completely fictional.
In workshops, I'm fond of telling the story about a famous study done in a nursing home. In this study, half the participants were given a plant to take care of and the other half weren't. The ones who were given the plant to take care of had better health outcomes, less illness, better blood tests. That fits nicely with the idea that staying connected—even to an inanimate object—and putting some attention on something outside yourself has health benefits.
Relationships matter. It may seem obvious but science is sometimes about demonstrating things we already know intuitively. Recently a study by Shira Feldman at the University of Minnesota School of Public Health showed that kids who regularly sit down to a family meal are at lower risk for smoking, drug and alcohol use. According to Tara Parker Pope in the NY Times, children from "highly connected" families have been shown to eat healthier foods, get better grades and have lower risk for destructive behaviors.
A health program that concentrates only on the vitamins in your diet, the number of miles you walk, or (God forbid) the amount of fat you eat is missing one of the biggest contributors to overall health in the world: your connectedness to others.
Connectedness counts. It matters to the people around you—and it definitely matters to you.
Your health depends on it.
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