New over the counter weight loss pill! Hold me back!

So guess what. There's a new over-the-counter weight loss pill just approved by the FDA.

If you thought deconstructing the commercials on Superbowl Sunday was a fun time, wait till you see the ads that are sure to be coming for this one.

It's called Alli, it's made by GlaxoSmithKline, and it should be coming to your neighborhood drugstore by this summer.

Alli is actually Orlistat, which is actually Xenical. Xenical has been around for a while, didn't work very well, and is now being given a face lift; it's being taken off prescription-only status and showing up in nice new packaging as Alli.

This is not the first time the clever marketers at Big Pharma have done this. Not too long ago, Eli Lilly took Prozac, dressed it up in nice pink and purple colors and rechristened it "Sarafem" for PMS.

But I digress.

So what do we know about Xenical (oh, excuse, me, Alli)..

It's a member of a category of weight loss drugs that might be called "digestive inhibitors". It blocks some of the fat that you eat from being digested and assimilated, and it does this by blocking the digestive enzyme lipase- which breaks down fat. The result? As much as 30 percent of the fat you eat doesn't go to your hips. Questions, anyone?

How 'bout this one: "What does it do to the fat that's already ON your hips?"

Answer: Zip-i-dee-doo-dah.

People lose weight on Xenical- 'scuse me, Alli- because it essentially lowers caloric intake automatically. If you, for example, were eating a nice hefty 2500 calories a day and 30 percent of them happened to come from fat, you would normally be taking in 750 fat calories. By taking Xenical with a fatty meal, about one third of those fat calories aren't absorbed, so the 750 calories becomes, theoretically, 500 calories. You've "saved" 250 calories while eating the same meal (note the operative word theoretically). Stick to that plan for a week and you've "saved" 250 times 7 calories or a grand total of 1750 calories or... let's see... ummm... one half pound?

Yup.

And that's theoretically.

The first big study to put Xenical on the map was a two-year European study which showed that patients on Xenical lost between 2 and 3 percent more weight than those on a placebo. A second two year European trial put obese patients on a reduced-calorie diet and gave them 120 mg of Xenical 3 times a day. At the end of the year they had lost about 9 pounds more than the placebo group. Read that carefully. Nine pounds a year which translates to 3/4 pound a month.
A similar study in the US produced 1/2 pound per month for Xenical users.

So is Alli the answer? Hardly. Unless maybe if you're a stockholder in Glaxo.

Can it help if you're already doing all the right stuff, like eating well, eating clean, exercising, and taking care of yourself in a profoundly nurturing way? Maybe so. Maybe it can add a little tiny extra that could be meaningful to some people.

But unless you use it in conjunction with all that other good stuff- that so many people seem to want to bypass- it's just not going to do diddly squat.

But look on the bright side- all that "good stuff" is what makes life a challenge. And makes it fun.

And makes it mean so much when you lose the weight the old fashioned way. By following the three simple maxims stated recently by Michael Pollan in his brilliant article in the Sunday New York Times, and endorsed, wholeheartedly and completely, by yours truly:

Eat (real) food.

Not so much.

Mostly plants.