Tom Cruise

Once again, America is missing the irony.

You see, it's not that Tom Cruise is an idiot. He has every right to be an idiot. This is America. It's the right of any red blooded American actor with his head so far up his own ass that he hasn't seen daylight in years to express his beliefs in anything he wants, including the belief that a megalomaniacal dead science fiction writer from the 50's channels the word of God. No problem there.

The issue is that we're actually talking about it.

We are actually having a national debate with this idiot about the existence of chemical imbalances and the nature of medical treatment in America.

Now that's irony.

So we have the spectre of Matt Lauer on The Today Show trying to reason with this imbecile, earnestly asking him "Gee, Tom, doesn't drug treatment have a place in some medical circumstances?" Let's everyone lean into the set now and find out the answer.

I say, why stop here? Let's interview Lindsay Lohan on China's currency manipulations. Personally, I'd like to know what Paris Hilton thinks about CAFTA. And for goodness sake, can't we get Ashton Kutcher on the McLaughlin group? (Gosh, I can already hear McLaughlin's booming voice: "Item: The Supreme Court ruling on eminet domain. Does it violate the 5th Ammendment? Ashton Kutcher." I can even imagine Nicole Ritchie's publicist pitching Tim Russert: "Hey, Tim, how about Nicole for Meet the Press? She's got some very compelling views on the Bolton nomination."

The perplexing part of this is that Tom Cruise is not 100 percent wrong. As the saying goes, "Paranoids have enemies too." Sometimes the loony birds get a piece of it right. For example: Back in the 60's, the Black Muslims — whose theology included a "scientific" account of how the "white devil" was "created" in a test tube by a mad black scientist named Yakbar (I did not make that up) — were nonetheless correct about the mistreatment of blacks in America.

So Cruise happens to be "right" that the history of psychiatry is not exactly unblemished. No thoughtful person could deny that much of the history of the American Medical Association- particularly during the reign of Morris Fishbein- was downright disgraceful. And next month I'm speaking at Robert Crayhon's Boulderfest, an annual convention of some of the brightest minds in healing and health, and I would venture a guess that 90 percent of the attendees would probably agree that drugs are overused, that there are natural remedies for many health ills, and that the "drug for every symptom" default position of much of conventional medicine needs rethinking. I would also venture a guess that Dr. Daniel Amen, who has done groundbreaking research in brain imaging and has isolated 6 different patterns for ADD would himself strongly support the notion that Ritalin is not a cure-all and in some cases — but not all — makes things worse.

But... er... there's a tiny itty bitty difference.

Dr. Amen came to his positions by scrupulous research and rigorous philosophical, ethical and scientific thinking. And he isn't promoting an agenda. Tom Cruise came to his positions because of the modern day equivalent of hearing voices through the fillings in his teeth. He actually leaned into Matt Lauer and said, his voice filled with gravitas, "Matt, you don't understand the history of psychiatry," a history, I might add, that wing-nut learned in its entirety from that great medical and social historian, L. Ron Hubbard.

Hey, when you've got L. Ron, who needs books?

Now listen. Don't get me wrong. Tom Cruise has the right to never open a book or a newspaper. There are men in higher office who exercise that same right. As I said, this is America.

And we have the right to tell him to go peddle his crap to people who actually care — like the dewey eyed dim-witted wanna-be's on Hollywood Boulevard at the "Celebrity Center."

Oh, Penn and Teller, where are you when we need you?

Sure, there may occasionally be an area of agreement between the ravings of a cult member who believes you can "audit" brain waves through a tin cup and one of the great healers of our generation. But does that mean the opinions of both are equally worthy of attention? Remember, even a broken clock is right twice a day. I wouldn't recommend using it to actually tell time though.

Anyway, I have to go. Chris Matthews is about to do a Hardball special on the Kyoto treaty and global warming. He's going to interview Puff Daddy to find out what the US should do.

I wouldn't wanna miss that.